Hailed as 'glamorous', 'rich' and 'bafflingly desperate' by adoring critics, Crystal broke the mainstream back in 1916 with her hit single 'Oligarchs just wanna have fun!'. After she willingly surrendered everything during her favourite of the revolutions—the Bolshevik—Crystal found that her only means of survival was her high, tight ass and her now globally recognised voice.

With just enough roubles in her Prada, she fled to the open arms of her one, true lover—New York City—where she swiftly became one of the city's great legends. Barbara, Liza, Crystal!

But behind the smoke and mirrors of her beloved life on stage, Crystal is a sensitive queen who has lived a life full of harsh tragedies and botched surgeries. After contracting incurable crabs in 1967 from four of the five Beatles, she decided to move out of the spotlight, and in with her 11 llamas in her characterful country home in King's Lynn, UK.

But fame even found her there, and in 2001 she was crowned 'Miss King's Lynn'. Returning to the UK's pageanting scene after her victory, it is here she reunited with old flame, friend and diva: Glamrou. The rest is history, except one thing: the future!